I know what you are thinking…how old fashioned is this person?  Well, to tell you the truth, it’s not me, it’s one of my agents Mary Lou Thompson.  Mary Lou believes we do ourselves and our children a disservice by allowing them to override all adult conversation and interaction.  Let me tell you why she believes this….

Mary Lou grew up in a family where children had to sit quietly, without making a peep at the dinner table.   As a child, she was always included at the adult party dinner table.  She sat quietly until someone asked her a question and then, and only then, was she able to speak.  What this family rule did for her was to teach her to listen instead of always trying to formulate her next contribution.  It made her one of the best listeners I have ever known.  From those adult conversations, she learned about politics, family history and stimulating local news.  It also made her a seeker of knowledge and very inquisitive about people’s lives and their history.

I, on the other hand, grew up where children were relegated to the “little” table in the other room where pure chaos ensued.  We were constantly interrupting adult conversation and pulling their attention from their adult exchanges by yelling “Stop Touching Me!”  “He Hit Me!”  “Mom, He Won’t Let Me Watch Sesame Street!”  We were never included in adult “table” conversation.  

My children…are encouraged to monopolize the supper time conversation.  We barrage them with questions about their day, their feelings, their “everything”….We want to show ourselves as concerned and interested parents.   They talk over each other vying for attention and never really listen to their siblings words.  Funny thing is, even after they have spewed every detail of their day, I wasn’t listening well enough to remember what they said.  Sad, but I am working on it.

Mary Lou’s ability to listen and truly get to know her clients and their families has created clients who are so loyal she has serviced 3 generations of buyers and sellers in several of the families she works with.  She has a constant stream of referral business and very, very close relationships with her clients.

I find that people in Mary Lou’s generation have much better listening and retention skills.  How are your listening skills?  The next time you are in conversation or listening in on another conversation, take the time to really listen, comprehend and summarize what that person shared.  Repeat back to them what your interpretation was.  If you are right on the money then you listened well.  If not, then have them repeat what they said and really absorb it without your own inner chatter.

The chart below is very interesting.  I find I have some good, but mostly bad, listening skills. I would have never believed this about myself but I get bored easily and have many things rushing through my head at one time.  I can cover 15 topics in 5 minutes.  Put me in conversation with another poor listener and absolutely nothing will be accomplished.  Fact is, I think I may have been one of the first undiagnosed cases of ADD.   

Our world is moving so fast right now. Even sitting here writing this my mind is registering: getting my daughter up for her brow wax appointment, asking myself if I remembered to turn the AC down in the office last night, my grocery list, etc. etc.  I don’t think I am alone in this.  We have so many activities, responsibilities and commitments it is hard to sit quietly and just take things in.  

Another challenging thing about being a poor listener is I get annoyed with people who take too long to get to the point and when people repeat their point in various sentence structures just to make sure I understand, I feel like shouting “I GOT IT, I GOT IT!!!”   You think perhaps they can see that I am barely listening?  You think perhaps that is why they keep asking me the same questions over and over again?  Geez, I guess I could be a total pain in the arse for someone who really wants to be “heard.” 

I believe that listening is an acquired skill that needs practice and attention.  I don’t believe you are born a good or bad listener.  It is a choice to be a good listener and can have big impact on your business and personal life.

I share this with you because I got a very huge “Ah Hah” when Mary Lou shared her insights with me.  I realized that, although I do have great friends and stimulating conversations, I don’t ask enough questions and when I do ask questions, I don’t really listen to their responses in their entirety.  I assume a great deal making it impossible for me to really get to know the people I engage with.  I will be consciously working on this and if you have any tips you would like to share I would love to hear them.  I promise to really “listen” to your words.

Only about 25 percent of listeners grasp the central ideas in communications. To improve listening skills, consider the following chart.

Click Here To Download the Poor / Good Listener Chart